Remodel Hell

We’ve been planning our kitchen renovation for what feels like forever so I was very excited to finally move forward with the project.  Had I known how insane it was going to be, I’d have been far less anxious.   You think I’d have learned my lesson by now.  When we bought this house, I FAR underestimated the work involved in buying a fixer-upper.  Every presumably easy task turned into a nightmare of epic proportions.  (Hello, 87 layers of wallpaper in every room.)  Why then, did I think this project would be any different?

I naively thought we would take the old cabinets off the walls, do some painting, choose some pretty new lights and hardware and then put the new cabinets and counters in.  OK, maybe we’d have to cut a hole in the wall and do some patch work.  I’d be brave and deal with it.  With that in mind, you can imagine the stroke I had when I found myself standing dumbstruck in the middle of THIS.  (Click for the horror.)

Uh, when did the bomb strike?  I officially live on a construction site.  Apparently, we’re lucky because within our shell of a kitchen, we still have a working fridge, stove, dishwasher and sink.  They’re all covered with a 3 inch thick layer of gray grime but hey, a little insulation dust never hurt anyone, right?  It should be noted that preparing a meal is exponentially more difficult when your shit is all over the GD place.  Last night, a simple meal (soup) turned into a frantic back and forth dance between the office closet where the dishes are located, to the dining room table where the utensils have set up residence and then over to the laundry basket (naturally) to gather up some spices and where the HELL is that oregano anyway???  By the time I returned to the pot, I’d scalded the onions and concluded that eating is overrated.  My discouragement shows and my dinners have increasingly gotten worse.  I can’t help it.  When faced with the alternative, a Jello pudding cup starts to look pretty damn appealing.  Also, appealing?  Booze.  You know what they say about hard times and all.

Speaking of food, I am continually amazed when people see my pictures and say: “Wow, I guess you’ll be eating a lot of take-out, huh?”  Really?  Take-out?  You mean there are people who can afford to eat during a kitchen remodel?  Color me impressed because in this house, “remodel” is synonymous with “flat broke”.  We prepared for this renovation too.  We saved and saved and when we had saved more than we ever thought we’d need, we went ahead and saved some more.  Despite what we thought was an overly generous budget, unexpected expenses have blown said budget out of the water.  Let me just say that it’s never a good sign when a carpenter comes in, puts his hands on his hips, looks at the existing construction in wonderment and whistles.  An equally bad sign is when your plumber husband gets a peek at what’s beneath the walls and starts shouting “Mother F*cker!!  Are you f*cking kidding me?  You stupid %$*(*#&$#&@(#(&$#(*”  Take it from me – don’t even waste time asking questions.  Each time you hear this, you can just open up your budget spreadsheet and tack on another five grand or so.

So that is where I am.  Everyone keeps telling me that it will be so worth it in the end which would be a lot more reassuring if I actually believed that there will be an end to this.  Currently, it’s pretty hard to imagine.  Perhaps I’ll be a little more rational about it all once I’m no longer exhausted, dusty and starving.

I’ve probably posted these pictures in no less than 8 different places but for anyone who has not already seen them, behold our kitchen disaster:

Pictures